It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
