When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize