we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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