i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
