i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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