i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize