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• (702): View more from Nevada

  i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it

  (317): View more from Indiana

  is it necessary to steal the whole car?

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• (310): View more from California

  you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me

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• (707): View more from California

  I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed

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