Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
