if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
