After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
