you traded sex for a burrito?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
