I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
