Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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