9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
vagina is talking i cant
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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