How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
