Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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