Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
