I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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