I smell stomach acid.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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