margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As shirtless as possible
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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