I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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