If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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