ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
