i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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