Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
