sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just cut my nipple shaving
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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