i think my mom watched the whole time
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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