Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize