My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
