Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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