Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
