Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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