he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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