she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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