i jhust puked up my retainher.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
