I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
