I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want nice things and good sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
