Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
