i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
