apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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