Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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