I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
