I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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