so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
