My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
