i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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