New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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