really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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