"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
