i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
