I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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