Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
