the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
