Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is not my ceiling
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We just shotgunned beers for America
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize