dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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