he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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