it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
