Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize