Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
