I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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