yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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