loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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