Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
