Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
