thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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