I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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