I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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