so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Mom said you looked used
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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