i just google imaged poop.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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