It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
