Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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