Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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