marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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