just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
