the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
