I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
