im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
