I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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