I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
