I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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