I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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