I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
