I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
