I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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