He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
