She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
