i need an iv and a liver transplant
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
