Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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