Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
