then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
